Positivity

In conversations this past week, I was asked by three different people, “How are you staying so upbeat and positive with everything going on?” It was an interesting question, and when I was asked for the third time, I realized it was worth thinking about. Life is a challenge these days as we face a pandemic, racial strife, economic downturn, energy industry impact (I live in the Houston area), ugly politics during an election year, etc...and yet I’m feeling pretty positive and hopeful.

No, I haven’t taken to drugs or increased my alcohol consumption, nor have I crawled into a hole and avoided reality! But in the past few weeks, I have made it a point to take some deliberate actions to stay positive and hopeful. I realize that I impact not only the mood of my household, but as I serve on boards and speak to numerous executives and thought leaders across industries during the day, I impact many who all benefit by hearing more words of hope and optimism as they navigate challenging waters.

As I think about what I’ve done to stay “above the muck”, these are some practices I’ve adopted:

Understand my role in this pandemic

I’m not an epidemiologist, health care worker, nor do I work directly in the healthcare field.  I have no expertise about this virus. My role is as a citizen. I have a healthy respect for this virus, understanding that although the vast majority of people who come in contact with the virus do alright, I’d rather not contract it, nor do I want to give it to someone inadvertently. As a result, I stay home as much as possible, and when I go out, I wear a mask.

I do not need to know absolute daily numbers of how many people test positive or how many have died in every state or country. I have a good general idea and know where trends are heading. Therefore, I don’t spend time worrying about what mistakes were made yesterday, which political camp is inflating or deflating statistics. I adhere to guidelines prescribed by experts and follow local authorities. I pray that really smart people are working on a vaccine but know it might take time.

I also know that information is readily available. There are reputable sources that are publishing these, so I don’t need to be the 500th share or tweet to inform.

Limit my media consumption – particularly social media – particularly Facebook

In case you didn’t notice, news is depressing. As a result, I don’t consume more than I need. I watch/read enough to carry on conversations with people so that they know I’m not a luddite, but I don’t need to debate things that (1) won’t change or (2) people really don’t care what I think about. I do continue to maintain deep knowledge about the topics for which I care and understand, and I am cognizant about topics on which my opinion matters. I’ve also discovered that picking the right forum to espouse my thoughts is important if I want to have a constructive conversation.

As the forums go, Facebook has become the most depressing. I joined years ago to get in touch with old friends and catch up on one another’s lives. My “memories” lookback shows how my involvement on this platform has evolved. Having gone through the stage of “cute kids” and “parental bragging rights” – I still love my kids but they’re adults now so they’re on their own to talk about how cute they are – I’m now in a life stage where I have this strange dilemma of “what do I tell people about”. Realizing it’s easy to fall into the narcissistic habit of asking people to “like” my life, I’ve found myself posting far less than I did years ago.

So on the topic of how to stay upbeat, I took the FB app off of my phone and iPad (leaving Messenger on because I have people in my life who use it regularly). When I do get on via my laptop, I allow myself to scroll until the first negative/critical/lecturing comment about ANYTHING, and shortly thereafter, I close the app.

Generally, my scroll time is about 30 seconds.

I don’t have the time or energy to engage in debate with people who don’t want to hear contrarian views, and I find myself starting to dislike people I actually thought I liked. I love informative posts – news and updates – but I cringe when people are directive and condescending. I found many posts/comments around racial equality to be tremendously insulting and hateful. I’d never before seen the level of vitriol and resentment on the site. I know I’m missing cute kids and puppies, but it’s okay…I catch them if they appear on my scroll above the hate and negativity, and the lack of my “like” doesn’t make them any less special.

It’s not that I don’t have an opinion on important matters, but I don't think I’m going to change anyone’s opinion on masks, politics, ethics, diversity, or sustainability on Facebook. Change happens in real conversations and social media is not a real conversation. Real conversations have consequence and dialogue; if I say something negative, I have to answer to a response. People don't have to do that online; they can anonymously call someone an idiot, and never have to answer to their victim. The danger of those comments and headlines getting shared over and over gives people the impression that the majority of the human species are jerks.

I don’t believe we are.

For my needs, I find LinkedIn to be a much better platform for sharing/receiving thought leadership. It hasn’t been taken over by people who want to name-call or lecture. On the few occasions I’ve seen it, people are quick to call out inappropriateness, and it seems to work. I find for my blog posts LinkedIn garners many more comments, shares, and suggestions, and is (unsurprisingly) reaching an audience that cares more about the content.

Look for goodness and beauty

You don't have to look too hard to find great stories that are taking place these days in spite of our challenges. Gestures of caring for the elderly, the amazing innovations happening on so many fronts, stories of survival, and overcoming incredible obstacles give me strength and affirm my belief in goodness. Those are most of the stories I choose to share.

In nature I find beauty and amazement. Finding live video streams of animals in their habitat or of nature walks and majestic mountains remind me of the amazing planet on which we live. Taking a walk and noticing animals and birds in my neighborhood gives me a sense of gratitude that I get to quarantine in a beautiful environment during the pandemic.

Find time to do new things

In spite of more hours on videoconference calls and in meetings, the inability to travel and my reduced online hours have yielded a windfall of free time. As a result, I’ve increased my book reading, piano time (re-learning some old and learning some new), bike-riding (before Houston summer temps arrived!), and I’ve fallen into the great habit of getting in touch with old friends by phone – since everyone is home and easy to find!

All of those activities result in far more positiveness than negativity.

One of the most important attributes of strong leadership is to maintain a positive and inspirational outlook in challenging times. Being deliberate about understanding our sources of stress and scaling back on activities that bring us down is vitally important.  That helps us focus on aspects of our lives that bring feelings of happiness and gratitude from which others can draw hope and inspiration.

Give yourself a break from too much bad news and social media. Look for goodness and beauty. Find old and new and fun things to learn and do. Get in touch with friends and people who will lift you up. The magic formula is in there somewhere!